


For a Different Sort of Doornail

by saltyavocado (rainglazed)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, Jackson will always be hilarious in his fail, Teen Wolf AU, Tumblr Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-13
Updated: 2012-11-13
Packaged: 2017-11-18 13:59:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/561820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainglazed/pseuds/saltyavocado
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome to Hale funeral service and mortuary.  Sorry for your loss or whatever.</p>
<p>aka that one where business school did not prepare Jackson to be a supernatural funeral director</p>
            </blockquote>





	For a Different Sort of Doornail

Most funeral homes are places of efficient mourning, a professional sobriety echoed by dark drapes and vaguely traditional Victorian furniture. 

Scott liked to argue that along this line of reasoning Hale’s was very much a funeral home. They just also had a military grade steel bunker for the bodies that refused to stay dead.

“So, you’re like a monster clean up service?” Jackson hedged, looking around the shadowed hallway.

Derek frowned sternly. ”Those that society deems monsters are in want of proper dignity after passing, just like any other individual. It is our job at Hale’s to ensure this while preserving the privacy of such people’s and keeping their true identity from public knowledge.”

“Page 81 of the funeral director’s handbook for the supernaturally employed, compliments of Deaton,” Stiles chipped in.

“But— how do you bury them?” Jackson protested.

“With dirt,” Derek said seriously. 

“Wolfsbane overlays for werewolves, with optional sealing in a mountain ash casket,” Stiles said. ”Fae tend towards days of feasting before hand so catering those are always a bitch, but the actual burial is pretty straightforward. Valkyrie prefer cremation over water. And for the occasional demigod we always have a wide selection of olive wood, laurel, marble, and alabaster, oak you name it. Unless you’re a son of Hades. Then things get kind of complicated.”

“Demigods?”

“Yup.”

Jackson scoffed. ”You can’t be serious.”

Stiles looked offended. ”I’m totally serious. Scott’s one, for starters.”

“What?”

Looking vaguely embarrassed, Scott shrugged. ”More like demidemidemigod. My mother’s descended from the Queen of Mictlan.”

“Holy shit.”

“It’s okay Jackson,” Stiles said, patting him on the head. ”That’s pretty much everyone else’s reaction too. That and ‘This kid is gorgeous I want to lick his face’.”

“Stiles.”

“You’re talking to a psychic, dude, would I lie to you about this?”

Jackson stopped abruptly. Turning, Stiles flashed him a smug smile.

“It’s okay, man, don’t worry. It’s not like I’m going to tell anyone about that time you cried that one time you and Lydia—”

“Shut up, now you’re just making stuff up!” Jackson seethed at him, gathering his thoughts. ”It’s not like you can go digging through my memories anyway, right? That’s not how psychics work.”

“It could be.”

“He really can’t,” Scott interjected, taking pity on him. ”But he can’t turn it off either.”

“So right now…”

“Right now can I tell you’re freaking out because you have unresolved intimacy and self esteem issues? Yeah, I can.”

Jackson stared at him. Stiles actually looked a little guilty and turned away. ”Uh, there’s ways to distract myself from looking to closely though, so unless you’re having an outright mental breakdown you should be good.”

“And I should just trust you to keep your word on that?”

“You should.”

And at that Jackson turned to glare at Derek, having apparently decided to take out his anger on the last available person. Derek shrugged. ”Psychics, while powerful, are kept in place by their rigorous moral code.”

“Oh yeah? And how would you know that?”

Scott lifted an eyebrow. ”Dude, Derek knows practically everything about everything.”

“What, he went to special magic school or something?” Jackson scoffed. ”He can’t be that much older than me.”

“Hale’s has been around since 1873. Who do you think’s been taking care of it all this time?”

**Author's Note:**

> Tagline stolen from tumblr, where people like to copy-paste tags without letting me know whose they are. If they're yours let me know.


End file.
